just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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