1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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