That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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