Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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