If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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