I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
