there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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