Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
