The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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