Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
