I just made out with a guy for $7.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
