and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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