I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and she was petting her beer can
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
