marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
