I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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