The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
