How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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