Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
