You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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