The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
