im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
