how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
