Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
