I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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