After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize