Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
