dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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