I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
whose parrot is this?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
