it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
