I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
