I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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