im drinking this country out of the recession.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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