i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
