she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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