don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
the raccoons are back...
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