Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
