Who did Billy Mays play for?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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