genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
