Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
