I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
