Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize