Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
look no pants
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
