Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize