??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
