I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
