I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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