Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
