omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
