If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
did you just send me my own nude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
