i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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