Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
