the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize