You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
