white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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