why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
