we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
