Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
