So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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