as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
