I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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