Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
