your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
