Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
