your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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