There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
