i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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