No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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