I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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