If i come over, it means nothing
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
