The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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