Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just gift wrapped bread.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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