Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize