Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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